God =/= love

    Life is like a roller coaster, you may know all the turns, bends, and curves, but you won't know how scary or exciting it is until you're there. I made a profound discovery last week, I won't go into detail but I realize for the 1st time in my life that I don't care what people think of me. I felt free and peaceful. It was a profound moment as I realize I was able to find peace without any god.
    For years I thought peace was something only god can give, but that day, that moment, I knew I didn't need him anymore than he need me. He needed me to fund his church, to forward his cause, to condemn the broken, to preach hatred towards those who are different. I can't look a cancer stricken child in the eye and say it's god's will.
    Everyday I see Christians who are suffering trying to convince themselves that they are joyful, content, and at peace. They weren't just faking it for others, they were faking it to convince themselves that god cares. It's a heart breaking scene that I can't fix. I'm not about to convince people who are mentally sound that they are being retarded.
    I've seen more pain coming from the church than actually love. Painful people can't love much, they can express hate, anger and judgment pretty well.